[WHINEBITCHMOAN]
Sometimes I wonder if I should close this blog. I display what a horrible person I am very often here. You all get to see my pettiness, my bitchiness, my whiny teen angst and everything that makes me the wretched human being that I am. Journals and diaries are the essence of egotism, whether anyone wants to admit it or not. Even thoughtful diaries filled with essays on the nature of life, the universe, and everything are still dashed with personal selfishness.

I could be a lot worse. I'm really not a nice person. People irritate me very easily. I have an idealistic, loving outlook, but I don't think I treat people as well as I ought to (especially when it comes to speaking to subbies for Jumi. I bet all the recent ones I've spoken to on AIM think I am Lilith Incarnate or something). I like to watch people and I feel bad when I see people suffering or hurt, but when it comes to social interaction I'm a dud.

And I really like having this blog. It's kind of nice to be able to just spill out the brain juices whenever the urge strikes, and even nicer (though sometimes a bit frightening) to know that people actually care about said brain juice. It's frightening because I know that there are people out there reading this who do not like me. Who may even wish that I and my whole family dies tomorrow, who may wish that I never achieve my goals in life and various other maliciousness. This is not paranoia (although paranoia is another one of my major flaws). I have seen and spoken to these people, and to them I say FUCK YOU and go away. If you don't like me, you don't need to be here. The worst part about this is that these people don't like me because they suffer the delusion that I'm popular. I'm so tired of arguing with people about whether or not I have legions of fans (if I do, I would like to see them at my house next week). The creators of comics like RPGWorld and Exploitation Now and Sinfest--THEY have legions of fans. _I_ do not have legions of fans. And that is one of the reasons why I would close this blog if I didn't enjoy it so much--because then I could just write my writings and draw my drawings and hope people would read, look, and remark, and I wouldn't have to deal with answering to all this 'Oh, shut up, you're so popular' nonsense. Clarity gets an average of 26 hits a day; Claris even less. That is NOT THAT MUCH PEOPLE. And this is only main page hits; who says these people actually go in and read. This is especially compared to comic creators, who have thousands of hits a day AND make money selling related merchandise (through those beautiful Cafepress stores).

The people that are resentful and bitter over my popularity (or at least they ACT LIKE IT) are sometimes not the wicked lurkers I mentioned earlier. Sometimes they're people who do say they like me and tell me I'm good at this stuff, and I wonder why they would claim this and yet still say these things when they know it makes me so uncomfortable. :\ And what do you say to people who act like you're this well known megastar? o_o 'Yeah, I am, thanks'? [/WHINEBITCHMOAN]

Blah. This went nowhere fast. ._.; But if you have something to say in response, say it here. (I'm stealing an idea I saw on Faith's pita and using my guestbook for comments :B)