The thought of human companionship consumes most of my thoughts, but when the situation occurs that I'm actually with people, I become aggravated by them very quickly. So it boils down to the fact that I don't want to be alone, I don't want to be left out, but I also don't want to be around anyone for an extended period of time, either. Which, of course, makes no sense.
You see, I'll be offended if there's a party amongst the people that I know semi-well, the little circle of people that I'm familiar enough with to have hung out with occasionally on weekends, and I'm not invited... but when I am invited (and trust me, I am very happy to be going and I'm perfectly perky for at least the initial part of my attendance), and I go, I will eventually become aggravated (very severely, sometimes) and sulky and want to go home. As a person whose general mood is 'Surly With a Dash of Depression' (or depressed with a dash of surliness) it doesn't take much to set me off. Lately most of my depression/annoyance comes from the continuities of my friends' SBs. Actually, SB is not the correct word, it's my friends' role-plays, and, yes, unlike many online people I know, nearly everyone with whom I'm familiar with offline has 'voices in their head' or at least maintains a role-play continuity amongst themselves.
This RP continuity consists mostly of gay men, of course, and I have to deal with it being brought up and discussed (or rather, with their characters, who are, aside from Kai and Emiko, often representations of band members that my friends have the hots for) at parties and at school. In general I cannot participate in these, and now I'm further barred from participation for various complicated reasons. -___-;
And I also become surly because...
....
....
Wait. No. That's it. This whole RP thing is it. Occasionally I'll be annoyed by a careless comment, but for the most part, 99 percent, it's this whole business. Everyone can do it but me. I'm left out, even when I'm included.
Naturally this is all petty nonsense in the face of what's happening, but then... everything is, isn't it -_-;
You see, I'll be offended if there's a party amongst the people that I know semi-well, the little circle of people that I'm familiar enough with to have hung out with occasionally on weekends, and I'm not invited... but when I am invited (and trust me, I am very happy to be going and I'm perfectly perky for at least the initial part of my attendance), and I go, I will eventually become aggravated (very severely, sometimes) and sulky and want to go home. As a person whose general mood is 'Surly With a Dash of Depression' (or depressed with a dash of surliness) it doesn't take much to set me off. Lately most of my depression/annoyance comes from the continuities of my friends' SBs. Actually, SB is not the correct word, it's my friends' role-plays, and, yes, unlike many online people I know, nearly everyone with whom I'm familiar with offline has 'voices in their head' or at least maintains a role-play continuity amongst themselves.
This RP continuity consists mostly of gay men, of course, and I have to deal with it being brought up and discussed (or rather, with their characters, who are, aside from Kai and Emiko, often representations of band members that my friends have the hots for) at parties and at school. In general I cannot participate in these, and now I'm further barred from participation for various complicated reasons. -___-;
And I also become surly because...
....
....
Wait. No. That's it. This whole RP thing is it. Occasionally I'll be annoyed by a careless comment, but for the most part, 99 percent, it's this whole business. Everyone can do it but me. I'm left out, even when I'm included.
Naturally this is all petty nonsense in the face of what's happening, but then... everything is, isn't it -_-;
posted by lyn at
9/16/2001 07:37:00 PM
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