I'm starting to disturb myself. Everyone is pissing me off lately and I'm not even sure why. Okay, well, I can understand why I got pissed at that guy in the hallway that felt it necessary to grab my backpack and shake it for some reason, but otherwise. My friends are pissing me off, my family's pissing me off (well--my mom is. my dad rarely upsets me), I'm pissing off, random people in the hallway are pissing me off (but then, everyone becomes an ass while they're in the hallways--it's hard not to, they're so crowded that the only way to get by is to barrel through all the idiots standing there and conversing with their friends). I am filled with bitterness and rage. o_o

Mostly it's my friends upsetting me. I mean, they want me to be happy smily, but then they go and say these nasty things when I'm not there (then try to pass them off as 'jokes'--newsflash, cruel words are cruel words, funny or not, and twice as cruel when the subject isn't even around). YEAH, THAT'LL FUCKING CHEER ME UP. =P They wonder why my self-esteem is so low. It's kind of hard to keep up a good self-image when everyone around you is always drawing attention to your faults--my mother (I swear to God she cannot say anything nice without diluting it with a criticism), my brother, I don't need them on it, too. I DON'T CARE if they're joking, I don't fucking like it and if it doesn't stop, I'll... I don't know what I'll do. But it's going to cause pain, goddammit, because I'm tired of this. I mean, they say, just answer with an equally cutting retort--you know, I don't LIKE that. I don't get jollies insulting people, especially people who I'm supposed to be friends with. Ergh, rage fills my soul.