I read a bit in Neil Gaiman's blog today about a reader asking him if he feared becoming a 'celebrity author'--someone who is known more for their appearance and personality than their work. Obviously, I am dust in the wind compared with the likes of an internationally known and acclaimed writer like Neil Gaiman, but that's always been my biggest fear with keeping this blog.

Not that I'll become a 'celebrity author', understand (most of y'all probably don't even remember what I look like, given that I post photos of myself very rarely and do not archive them where anyone can see) but that people will come here for me instead of my work. It really, severely irritates me to know that I've probably lost readers of my stories purely because I, in my infintesimal flaws, have done something to personally irritate or offend them.

I suppose it sounds bad, as that seems like I'd rather have readers than friends. But that's another reason why it irritates me, since I consider all of my readers my friends on some degree. So I naturally assume that the minute I piss somebody off, they'll stop reading me altogether, which bothers me.

Besides which, I want to be known because I can tell enjoyable stories. Note that I did not say groundbreaking masterpieces. I said, stories that people can enjoy. Being totally frank, I really do think that if nothing else, I write an entertaining story. I like to tell myself that there's layers beneath the entertainment, but all of that is just pretentious speculation on my part.

I worry also about people who perhaps, for some insane reason, say they read my work simply because of that ill perceived notion of popularity I was talking about earlier. I have no idea why anyone would do this, but it seems like it's happened. While the fact that something is popular has never deterred me from liking it, I've never liked anything purely because it was popular. Actually I tend to like things that are really unpopular. -_-

Anyway, it's just frettings like this that make me wonder if I should discontinue this whole online journaling thing... though I know in my heart that I like it too much to quit. But that doesn't end the fretting.