Look! It is...MINI-ME. (or, 'Portrait of the Artist as a Strangely Tanned Little Kid')

Yay! Etoile-fluffer is back! Yay!

Wow, Kristen, I really like that Amanda picture.. *__*

Bryan's telling me the story of his adventure to see Freddy Got Fingered, Tom Green's new movie... I'm not altogether fond of Tom Green (something seems wrong about the fact that he can make his living off of being a complete asshole in public), so it doesn't bother me that almost every critic that is drawing breath hates his movie, but it's even more surprising to find that my brother hated it as well (since he tends to think Tom Green is, as he puts it, 'AWESOME').

But apparently they wouldn't let him buy tickets because he's seventeen (a minute older than myself), and it seems that the law says you have to be eighteen...so he bought tickets for some other movie (I think Crocodile Dundee X3;), went in, and saw hs friend Stephen who is like a manager there, and Stephen says they won't sell him tickets, either. So Stephen and Bryan and some other boys go up to the ticket guy and Stephen says 'These are all tickets to see Freddy Got Fingered, okay?' and the guy's like 'Uh, I don't think so' and Stephen 'Yes. They are. Just accept it' or something... XD; However, after it was over, Stephen said that he was going to have nightmares because of it. Lovely. :B

I just read the summary for the last volume of AS here...that really IS a happy ending.

I can't say I'm surprised like Genki's friend, though--from her interviews, Kaori Yuki seems to be a sentimental person at heart (like me :3)... I don't think it would have been like her to end the story without some happiness, but man, that is a lot of happiness. I'm glad, though--it makes me love the story even more, knowing that despite all the bad things that happened, things turn out well in the end. Even in the short stories in Boy's Next Door, the endings were pretty happy, relatively speaking. X3;

Well that's sick and twisted...

Since Taibug commented, I'll guess I'll just go further and say that I'd feel really smarmy asking people for money for what I write. So far as I've seen, almost every other writer on the web does it for free, and as they well should: I'm an amateur and so are they, and one of the things about being an amateur is that you don't get paid. This is why I call myself a 'writer' and not an 'author'--I generally use the term author to describe someone who has been formally published. I realize that posting writing to the web is a form of self-publishing, but I mean stories that have either been sold by the writer or that have been picked up by a publishing company to be sold. I'm not saying anyone has to agree with me here, but that's my general philosophy... when I see a book of mine on the shelf, I'll call myself an author and I'll hope I get some money.. X3; Until then I'm just a writer, and advice and help are the best form of payment I can get.

Tengu's comic is really cool :B

When I cry, I feel like the very life is being drained from my body. It's a really strange and exhausting feeling...

I don't understand why I have such serious trust issues, but I do. When I ask someone about something, I expect an answer; an honest, straightforward answer. I don't care if it will offend me, you know, the truth hurts sometimes. But it's far less painful than having to wade through a lot of lies.

Why does everyone think that when I ask about something I don't really want an answer? What the hell is up with that? Everyone does that to me.

Annoyance levels run high.. x__x
In other news, I'm so proud of Hikabug~ don't forget us when you are famous animator. :3

Hmm..while it is true that Invader Zim roxxors (and that Johnny the Homicidal Maniac is very disturbing, Vera X3;), so far its fanfics have sucked, and they have sucked mightily. Except for those authored by you, Jaimie-J... :3

And I have converted Kai into Zim-likingness. Bwaha. BWAHAHAAHAAA.

Bahaha, Invader Zim roXXors XD XD

This part of the site, which I just discovered, is also very interesting. And I believe the guy actually makes moneys off it, too..no one would pay to read Claris or Clarity X3;

This is interesting. I like Cobalt. :3

Hey, Kristen, that Draco and Hermione picture you linked inspired me to write some more of my story. XD Not enough to post, but I'm working on it. :3

Aww, you so sweet, Kailynn :B I'm more emotional and illogical with friends than with people I don't know very well or that I know dislike me anyway... but I've learned to read things that make me angry, get angry, then relax and try to form a rational response. Notice the try... I still do drama queenish, irrational things in response to things said against me, especially when they're from a person who I admire and consider a good friend.

You know... I'm not all that old (seventeen), but I've been on the internet a long time, relatively speaking (ever since I was 11, though I didn't get a webpage until I was 12). I was around when the idea of a personal domain, for a teenager, was still relatively novel. Most of the domains that were around back then (gemz.net, delish.net, snuggles (can't even remember which extension X3), dreamz, plastique) are either no longer functioning or are under different management. But domain buying spread slowly, because they were still expensive then, and a lot of people operated under the idea that having one made you above those without one, and there was a huge obsession with being 'hosted'--that is, having your page 'rescued' from a freeserver and allowed to take up residence on someone's domain.

Most of that has dissipated, largely due to the fact that registering a domain is really cheap now. Sadly, I bought kurai just before all these other registrars popped up, so its keeping is still expensive, comparatively speaking. But the point is that I can't go to a page anymore without stumbling across a top-level domain owned by a teenager--or a pre-teenager--and the fact that so many of them are so poor in quality is staggering. x__x; I'm not saying kurai is any better or that, even more ludicrously, there should be an age limit, it's just mildly depressing. Especially domains that are no more than a blog. I consider blogs and journals addendums to a larger site, something I would visit because I enjoyed the person's other work and would thusly like to get to know them better. Sort of like an 'about the author' thing, if you know what I mean. I really can't fathom anyone buying up a top-level domain name purely for their online journal, and not because of the cost, since it's really not that expensive anymore--just because it doesn't make sense to take a domain name solely for your blog and nothing else.

I realize that this post is aimless and likely does not make a great deal of coherent sense, but I was just thinking about the online community in general as I traipsed through various angsty teenage girl domains...of which there is a great abundance, and if they're not angsty, they're 'arty' (or 'artless', because being 'artless' is apparently more arty than being arty o__O;) and 'deep.'

Awk, and Jaimie-J said stuff too..by the way, all your Invader Zim stuff that you've been posting is hilarious, esp. that Zim/Dib picture.. good lord, that is wrong XD;; it wouldn't be wrong if maybe they looked older and prettier (not that Jhonen's style isn't beautiful, but you know what I mean), but..the way they are now..it's just.. XD;;;;

OK, really going to work now :B;

Thanks again to Katfluff.

Most everyone has said what I would have wanted to say in response to Sarah, so I'm not going to say anything more. Instead, I'm going to do what I neglected for most of today, and finish this ugly little English assignment.

By the way everyone--Donna, Cal, Sallybug, Charis, and those who talked to me privately...thanks for getting my back, or even just saying something.

Dude, I'm not even going to fucking talk to you if you're not even going to fucking listen. ::rolls her eyes:: I didn't call your friend a drug addict, which you both would know if either of you had bothered to actually read what I said. And while I am a hypocrite, in no way have I shown this hypocrisy in my dealings with you. You are reaching for straws to defend your actions, and you need to stop. Now.

Oh, Court. You want to disturb the shit? Alright, let's disturb some shit.

I was perfectly happy to let you go on your way and change your life and do whatever, since I knew, for all the things you said to me, that you never really liked me, because that's the kind of person you are. You say that we're wrapped up in fantasy worlds, but you don't even know us. You don't know me. You don't know that I have a family, that I make excellent grades (or at least, A's and B's, pretty good XD), that I have friends, and that, despite being plagued with typical teenage angst (as evidenced by the previous posts), I'm usually pretty confident in my abilities.

Do I think my characters are real? Of course not. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not a fucking moron. But they exist for me in an emotional level that you (and many other people, as I wrote about in a previous rant) could never understand.

Do you know what you do, Court? You use people. You make friends with them because you feel you can gain something from that friendship. You did that to me, and you did that with countless other people who I won't mention because I don't want to drag their names into it. But I didn't want to say anything about it, because you were, after all, nice to me, and Maj was (and hopefully still is, after this) my friend. And I don't like to speak out against friends of friends; it's kind of rude.

You seem to think that just because you can't look into a person's eyes that it means they don't exist and that what you say to them will not affect them. What you say to me only makes me laugh, because it proves to me what a hypocrite you are. You, who once discussed a page to my character Undine, you, who praised me, you, who asked me for help (which I happily gave), you, who disappeared of your own volition, and you, who I never once insulted. And you have the audacity to treat me and all these other wonderful people this way? What is wrong with you?

You and your friend, whoever she is, like I said, do not know me. She also does not know Sally (who is beautiful and intelligent and designs with more skill than you could ever hope to have, I'm sorry), Sky (who is a sweet, caring, and sensitive person, also very different from you), Ramiel (a brilliant artist and in general a nice guy), and Cal-Tan (who has done more for the Internet community than you could ever dream of). You cannot make superficial judgments on people by reading a few entries in their online journals. You simply can't do it.

As for us not breeding. Yes, like I would want a girl who makes drug references in her site to breed.

Now, what was that? That was a broad, ugly statement. I don't know your friend Sarah, yet I still made a cruel remark about the content of her character, by assuming that because she makes reference to acid that it is about drugs, and also implying that she takes this drug.

Kind of like you assuming that just because I have a name for the emotional bonds I feel for my characters that I'm all wrapped up in them and have no life because of them and they tell me what to do? Hmm?

You really need to do some of that thinking, sometime. It would be beneficial.

That'll be all.

I'm feeling a little better now.. sorry for getting all angsty like that.. x__x
Finally doing some work on my Draco page :B;;

Maybe I should just let go of my dream of becoming a writer...

I don't know why I'm like this or why I'm crying over it.. -__-

::writhes in the anguish of self doubt::

Believe it or not, usually I'm pretty confident in my abilities as a writer/character creator...but every once in a while, this wash of despair hits me...today it was triggered by some comments and also by this article I read about how difficult it is to achieve your dreams...

Maybe my dream is futile... Maybe I'm just not good enough to be a writer.

I hate when I get like this...

::falls over:: Updated kurai--the first part of Clarity's new chapter is up. x__x

Now I must go bed and pray my english project is due on Tuesday like I think it is.

I hope everyone had a happy Easter, and let me just send out some fluffs to Sky, Charis, Anomie, and Gemibug... love&worry about you all *__*