It... is... done... xx

I'll do updates and other such stuff tomorrow... I'm exhausted, emotionally and physically.

Nice lady carolyn is on AIM... o__o ::attempts to work up courage to speak to her::

I noticed your Oekaki-ness, Katfluff x__x I'm sorry I did not tell you how prettyful it looked :B

I finally updated my links, including, among others, Relia, Charis, the nice lady at braided-baka who also linked me, the nice lady carolyn who has a nice site who linked me, Necobara and Sheri. I also updated links of bloglets that have moved their position, like Kristenbug and Cal and Rami. And yes. I still read all the blogs, almost every day. It really does not take that much time, the pages load pretty quickly and since I'm usually caught up I only have a bit to read, unless the person writes a nice Long-Ass post. :B;

And what am I doing right now, you ask? Why, trying to finish Claris!!

Today was pretty lame.

But at least I figured out that my keyboard's issues were not the poor thing's fault. Bryan downloaded this new program, it's a R.A.T. program... that lets him do things to my computer through the network. After he used it, my keyboard would always mess up. After about half an hour of this it would return to normal, like it is now. So obviously it's neither the keyboard's messiness or my computer's crappiness, it's this lame program..

I'm also advancing nicely in Chrono Cross. All of the characters in that game are so squeezeably lovable, except maybe Lynx, who is just scary. :B; I love Norris and Van and Kid and Nikki and Miki (even though I haven't acquired them in my party yet) and the mermaid lady whose name escapes me is really pretty too...

I really need to update my lynks list. All these blogs have skittered around again and of course there's still plenty new ones to link... I'll work on that tomorrow. As well as.. -the- -end- -of- -Claris- o__o

Sorry I haven't been blogging lately... my keyboard, for one, has been really lame lately..in fact it's being lame right now, though of course it's my fault because I'm lazy and do not give it the love it deserves. I think I'll get down and make an effort at cleaning it this weekend, even though it is as old and senile as this computer...which is pretty old and senile... :B;

I don't have much to say, really...except that I really want a new computer... or at least a new keyboard, since not only are the keys funky, but it also keeps randomly going into permanent Shift mode...on second thought, maybe I'll clean it now.

yesterday i felt so cold, i felt like i could die
took the needles from my arms and put them to the sky
watched the cold come take me pull me down like i did know
i saw it gone

hold myself up til tomorrow holds me down again
feel the darkness coming over see how it begins
come with me into the willow garden out tonight
feel the darkness come my moon will touch you with its light

help me life was over love i want to had you in my sights
see and i was overlooked i had you in my hands
like a lid of no survivors nothing i don't mind
help me broken baby help me break you with my mind

--moby, machete, from the album play

Oh yes, and no need to be anonymous when leaving blogvoices notes, Tami (like down there in my sensitive artist post). You see, both gbook AND blogvoices track IPs. Isn't that precious?

I agree with you, Cal, on fanfiction. I don't read it much either, and the HP thing I've begun is my first foray into fanfiction using canon characters. I tried as best I could to keep to intended characterizations, but I'm not J.K. Rowling and I do know where I want the story to go, so I probably didn't do too well.. x__x
But I know what you mean. I complain bitterly about this all the time to my friend Kai, who of course does not care. I think a lot of Gundam fanfics, at least the pro Duo x Heero ones, blatantly mischaracterize Relena and it really pisses me off. x__x

I also read this one Sailormoon fanfiction, one of the 'new senshi' ones like Clarity is but it had the canon cast as well, that GROSSLY, DISGUSTINGLY mischaracterized Usagi. I mean, this writer made her out to be a worthless, expendable character, and she just isn't. It made me violently, violently, angry. x__x I hate it when people let their bias against a character seep into their writing, and this was painfully obvious. I'll not even get into how her new senshi team was ten times more perfect and beautiful than the original cast. x__x;;

Hey. I'm going to be a hypocrite now.

Once upon a time there was a girl, and there was the girl's best friend. The girl's best friend liked a boy, who the girl was not too fond of. But the girl saw that the girl's best friend was happy, so she didn't say anything. Things happened. Bad things happened. Eventually the girl almost lost her best friend. But then the boy and the best friend broke up.

Now, the boy had other 'girlfriends.' One of these was named Tami. I was, to the best of my recollection, always nice to Tami. I rack my brain, even now, to think of what singular, horrible offense I committed against her, save for the fact that thinking her boyfriend was a lying, jealous slug. Now, also to the best of my recollection, one should not hate another person simply because they dislike one's friends. But perhaps I am wrong, as I often am. Anyway, the whole business was dead and buried many moons ago, or so I thought. Until Tami left a lovely message in my guestbook. Here is the message:

"Sometimes I wish I was you. Is that the betraying of myself?
I gave up all rights to the freedom of my dreams when I
was thirteen.

Lucky little damn American tart."

I knew it was an insult, since I knew Tami hated me, yet I wondered why she bothered to resurface now, after so many years. So I asked the best friend in question, my oneechan Del. Del asked the boy. The boy, in turn, I suppose, asked Tami. Tami responded.

"About the guestbook message you passed on to Jade - it was an excessively bad joke that backfired. Please inform Lyn that in no way do I actually admire her or like her. In fact, please inform her I'd rather that her eyes be bitten out by rabid squirrels and that her heart be devoured by wandering goths than ever be in her presence again, and that I think her melodramatic journal's hilarious. Thank you very much! Ta-ta!"

Aww. Isn't that the sweetest sentiment you ever heard? She cares about me so much that she reads Truth! Her feelings for me run so deep that she wishes me to be eaten by squirrels! My heart is touched. I didn't know you felt so strongly for me, Tami! Tell me, darling, tell me true. If you hate me, why do you hang around kurai, as you obviously do? Why do you care what happens to me? Were you hoping to make me cry? Were you hoping to make me pull down truth and kurai and sob and moan?

Hm. No. You see, you are not my friend. Only my friends can hurt me.

Now, I'm sure that my reaction was your dearest wish, and here it is. I'm sorry if it's not what you expected, though, precious. Though really, I would just love to know what awful thing I did to make your heart burn for me so, aside from, of course, thinking your boyfriend is not a very nice man at all. Care to enlighten me?

I...I feel just awful right now. We just had an anime meeting at our house, and I really acted terribly, I think. I was alright when Dante got there (he got there first, he's a very sweet boy), but when two other persons who shall remain unnamed showed up it all went downhill from there. I got angry because they couldn't even be polite about asking for drinks and I said something that was terrible, especially since Dante is African-American. It's a phrase my mother uses a lot, which is how I picked it up, and it's 'I'm not your (n word) maid' and that's basically what I said, though I was speaking to these people and not to Dante. No one said anything, but still I felt really terrible about it afterwards and I still do now. I also kept getting frustrated because these people and another person just could not for the life of themselves be quiet, no matter how many times I asked, so I finally hit one of them on the shoulder with my Chrono Cross guide and she proceeded to be sullen and mostly ignore more the rest of the evening. While she was quiet, it bothered me because, what else was I going to do? I tried asking, I tried yelling, violence was the only available venue.

Still I feel bad because I know it wasn't the right thing to do... I basically lost my temper a lot the whole night. I just have a horrible phobia when I'm involved in a social activity.. my temper shortens, I get more bitchy than usual, urgh... and I get so nervous. I hate myself for it. There are very few gatherings at which I have enjoyed myself, and there are some where I've just broken down. I really need to get the hell over this, since the anime meetings aren't going to stop and I'm not going to stop attending them.

Also I hate having to tell people to go home when it's time. Mom gets antsy when people stay after the movie is done, especially if they're loud, like my friends are, and I don't like going up and announcing 'Alright, go home, welcome's out' or something. It makes me feel bad... I mean of course we should stay for a while after to discuss what we saw, but when they're just sitting there and doing nothing... it's not that I don't like my friends over, it's just that it's late and you know, we all have school tomorrow and I've got homework (difficult homework, which I'm about half done with) to do. Maybe if it was Saturday or Friday I wouldn't care as much, but it's not, it's Sunday.

And Bryan insisted on making me look like the idiot I know I am the whole time, and scolded me afterwards... am I to understand that I have to be polite to people even when they're directly rude to me? All I ask is that if you want something you ask about it nicely, and I'll be happy to give it to you, and I did pour several peoples' drinks. Or you could at least wait until you're asked about it instead of coming in and demanding one be served to you.

The only good thing about the meeting was the anime itself. We watched the Kenshin OAVs, which were retitled Samurai X... actually, while the anime was good per se, it was really, really depressing and thinking of it is contributing to the utter awfulness I'm feeling at this moment.

Sigh.. gotta finish this homework.. I'm doing the best I can but I don't think I'll get a good grade on it anyway...

....could somebody explain this sausages thing to me? :B;